Happy Mother's Day 2025

Mother's Day can be difficult for those of us who have lost our moms. I remember after losing mine, everyone would invite me to join their celebration for the first few years. After that, I started making plans on Mother's Day with friends who had either lost their mom, or their mom lived in a different state.

It's been fourteen years since my mother passed away. I don't think about Mother's Day anymore unless I get invited to someone's house or a friend wants to hangout with me because they're having a difficult time dealing with the loss of their mom. It's not that I don't think about my mother. I think about her every day when I look at a framed photo of her on my desk. But  I no longer feel the same sharp pain as I did when I first lost her. Of course, it took me five years to feel like myself again, and not break into tears each time someone mentioned her name. And it took another five years for me to accept that she was gone.

One of the things that I found helpful was making plans to go out with friends on Mother's Day. Another thing that was helpful was to pick up the phone, and wish everyone I knew who was a mom, a Happy Mother's Day. I found that most people really appreciated it when I called them even though they were not my mom. Because you see, Mother's Day is a day to celebrate women, and everyone who is a mom.

Not everyone takes as long as I did to get over their mom. I remember being at a luncheon gathering, and someone I knew came up to me and told me to be patient and that it took her eight years to get over her dad passing away. And just by talking to her, I felt comforted.

If your mom is alive, do not take her for granted, and make sure you visit her as often as possible. If you are a mom, have an amazing Mother's Day with your family. And finally, if you have lost your mom, know that the pain lessens as the years pass, and what's left will be the good memories that you shared.

  

Taking care of Mom

Photography by: Simon Howden

It’s cool and dreary outside. I have a perfect view of a green shrubbery and the breeze that rocks the ferns. My mom just spilled carrot juice all over the walls and the beige carpet in her bedroom. I can hear her talking to the housekeeper from my home office. She keeps apologizing to Aide – Sorry, I don’t know what happened. Aide says, “It’s okay,” but the expression on her face earlier as she passed by my office with a bucket of soap and water, brush and towels, told me otherwise. You see, carrot juice is nearly impossible to get out. I should know. My white shirts have many orange spots from all the juices I have made my mother since I’ve been back from the hospital.

After weeks of coming back from the Gerson Institute and spending many sleepless nights, I was finally able to find part-time help. Taking care of a cancer patient is really tough. Sometimes I want to give-up but I know that I can’t. My family has been helping me a little. You’d be amazed how much that little bit helps. If I didn’t have that, I would for sure go completely crazy. And my friends have been great. They have been calling me just to chat and to keep me sane. We’ve been out a few times for dinner.

Ever since my mom has gotten sick, my days have become monotonous. I get up before Dawn, prepare her coffee and tea enema, make her apple juice, fix an oatmeal breakfast, wake my mom up and go take a shower. I would give anything for a day when I could just sleep in or for a day when I have absolutely nothing to do except to take a day trip to San Diego or Santa Barbara. For now those days are gone. So I try to look at things from a positive angle in order to prevent myself from falling into depression.

On the positive side, after all the efforts that I have put in, my mom’s health has improved tremendously. We’re both eating healthier and I have gained knowledge about how to prevent diseases. In fact, the information I have learned is going to help me with my third book.

My Mom and Me

One of the hardest things in life is to watch parents turn into children as they age. My Mom’s health is deteriorating and there’s no one in my family who wants to take care of her except me. Oh, there are one or two friends and family who offer their few hours of temporary help but they have no idea what it takes to take care of my mom. If they knew, they would run like hell. You see, my mother doesn’t like anybody except me which is a curse at times. She is one of the most impossible people I have ever known but I cannot give-up on her because she was always there for me, because I do not abandon my responsibilities and because I love her – after all, she is my mom. Unfortunately though, I cannot plan anything. I just go from moment to moment. My days turn into nights and my nights into days as my life moves forward toward no direction.

And I wouldn’t mind all this so much if she didn’t complain 24/7, cooperated and did what the doctors told her. But she fights everything and at times, I’m truly too exhausted to do much else. I do not know for how long this will continue. Everyday I hope that things would get better so that I could get some normalcy in my life.

Outsiders do not understand as they ask why aren’t you on twitter or facebook, why aren’t you working on a new book or why did you get back to me so late? It’s difficult to explain my mom to anyone. Only those who have known her for years such as my father who is also extremely difficult in a different way than mom knows what she’ like. I’m not trying to make excuses but this is my reality. I haven’t the foggiest clue about how things will turn out. For now, I’m just doing the best that I can. And if you ask what is one of the most important things to me this very minute, I’d have to say, please life, do not let me turn out like mom and dad when I get old. But you know what they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. And perhaps that’s one of the biggest fears I have – picking up all the bad habits of my parents once I reach their age. Although I have told all my friends, if I ever pick up my parents’ insufferable behaviors, just shoot me :)