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Friday, August 10, 2007

Walking in LA

Walking in LA can be a dangerous exercise. Taking into account the size and the traffic of Los Angeles, it’s no wonder people spend more time in their cars than they do eating, sleeping, spending quality time with their friends and family and enjoying life. These frustrated drivers, after sitting behind a light that changes six times, gas their cars with boiling tempers at the first glimpse of opportunity without regards for pedestrians’ limbs. So, in order to help out oblivious visitors with their cameras, I have come up with some helpful hints to save their lives.

Rule#1: Do not depend on walk signs because a walk sign to a driver means in case you hit someone, take off quickly so that the victim can’t sue your behind.

Rule#2: If you’re crossing the street, watch out for people making left turns and make sure you make eye contact; otherwise as soon as the road is clear of cars, they will make their turns regardless of whether or not you’re in their way. And if one of them happens to see you by chance, he or she will either give you a dirty look and flip you off or shrug and mouth the words, “sorry but I didn’t see you,” as if that makes it okay for him or her to run you over.

Rule#3: If you see cars trying to make right turns and you have the right of way, sprint or run. If you walk at a leisurely pace, they will cuss you out and if you’re lucky, they’ll brush by your pants instead of your legs.

Rule#4: If you’re planning to walk between the hours of 7-10 AM or 5-7 PM, wear an oxygen mask or start chemotherapy right away.

Rule#5: Never get in the way of drivers talking on their cell phones unless you have already drawn up a living will and are planning to commit suicide.

Rule#6: Pray, pray and pray that when you’re walking, there are visible policemen or policewomen around. And I don’t mean the ones who hide in alleys and under trees to clock drivers but the ones who drive out in the open for everyone to see. Because if there’s one thing Angelenos hate is to get tickets and have their insurance rates climb up. Hence when there’s a cop around, drivers stop quite nicely and wait for you to take as long as you please to cross the street. You can even halt and do the Salsa in front of them without hearing a word of complaint.

Well, here were briefly my rules of staying alive while crossing the streets of LA. Good luck and may the force be with you.