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Sunday, July 30, 2023

On hiatus until the end of August

Photo by Amy Humphries

Hi everyone, 

I’m taking a short break from blogging, and social media until the end of August to work on remodeling my three websites: Homa Pourasgari, Linbrook Press, and The Dawn of Saudi. I will also be doing research for my new book project as well as making a new book trailer for the revised edition of The Dawn of Saudi. See you all soon.


Wednesday, July 26, 2023

Sinéad O’Connor’s death and why we need more than one reason to live



The headlines read, “Sinéad O’Connor dead at 56,” and as I read the article, I wonder about the mental health of our world. But before I get to that, I grew up listening to Sinéad O’Connor and when she came out with a shaved head singing Nothing compares to U, everyone was blown away by her talent. I thought she was one of the few women in the world who could carry the shaved head look because she was perfectly exquisite, but perhaps it was her beautiful soul that radiated from within her. I love the fact that she was a non-conformist and an activist. I identify with her. She was real, saw the truth and said it as it was. She stood up to nonsense, and was defiant all the way to the end. I just wish that both she and her son hadn’t died before their time. They could have contributed so much to this world that’s often superficial and unyielding.

When I found out about her death, and read the article, thanks to yahoo that doesn’t miss a beat when it comes to bad news, I thought about my own mortality and those around me. I turned 61 this July 16, and it’s been difficult to see people so much younger than me die. Many who died committed suicide, but what about those who had cancer, heart attack or died in a car accident? Someone told me today that life is like a game of cards and things depend on the hand you’re dealt with. My father used to say that I must be resilient and fight back, and my Mom would say, what’s the matter? It’s not like you have a terminal disease. You can change your life as long as you have your health. But what if you don’t have good health? What then?
I’ve been limping for the past three months. My doctor tells me that there’s a mild fluid in my knee. So, I do my exercises, ice, elevate, compress, and try to stay off it as much as possible. I also have Psoriasis which got much worse after my mom passed away and I haven’t to date recovered from my illness.  And let me tell you, Psoriasis is a debilitating disease. It’s like the universe’s way of saying, I’m not going to kill you, but I’m going to make sure that you suffer for the rest of your life. Add to that the fact that I need to lose weight and have tried on many occasions and failed, and now I can’t even move much. So, my list of health issues continues…What if this is it? What if I will never get better? And most importantly. Why am I even sharing this information? What’s my point?
My point is that life sucks sometimes, but you keep pushing forward and fight back. I think that it’s not enough to just have one reason to want to live. You need to have many reasons to want to live. My parents lost my sister to a bus accident when she was eight, but they needed to stay alive because they had to take care of me and my brother. When my mother was dying of cancer, and I was sleeping at the hospital every night, I kept calling my dad in Iran because I couldn’t get ahold of him. Finally, I got a call back from him, telling me that he was hit by a motorcycle and that he was in the hospital, had a massive operation on his legs, and he was in a lot of pain. He was crying, and it was heartbreaking to listen to this independent strong man who was my rock cry, and not be able to help him, because I was in the U.S. taking care of my mom. After my mom died, I didn’t want to live, but I had to because I had to take care of my dad. And after my dad passed away, I had to stay strong because my brother and my nieces needed me and so on…That’s why in life, we all need many many reasons to want to live because life can be amazing.
If we only look at the bad, we will miss all the good such as a woman who saves a baby from a burning car, a firefighter rescuing a pup from under a rubble, a man risking his own life to save a drowning man in turbulent waters, and the list continues…There are checks and balances in the universe. With every bad, there is good. With summer, comes fall, with fall, winter, and with winter, spring. My father was prone to depression, and he dealt with it by working all the time, having no time to think. My mother worked in her garden to keep busy, and my friends and family find different ways to deal with sadness.


When I’m not happy, I deal with it by listening to music, walking (not as much now because of knee issues), painting inside the lines of a coloring book, going out, watching a movie, reading, and meditating. We all need to find out what works for us and do that in order to keep sane. After COVID, the world took a turn for the worse, and it seems that the mental health of people is in danger, and needs to be addressed. I don’t think there were as many suicides before COVID (I don’t trust the bogus statistics), and it’s a shame because many people who killed themselves were kindhearted, and could have contributed so much to society. When life gets unbearable at times, we need a moment to let go, and realize that this will pass too. Time may not help us forget things that are important to us, but it will lessen our pain and help us heal.