Lessons learned

This weekend I went to San Diego for my cousin's wedding or not! I was told that the wedding party and guests would be staying at Rancho Bernardo Inn. This Inn is like a maze, and all the buildings look alike. Also, there are no elevators. You have to carry your luggage up several flights of stairs.

I notice that I forgot to bring my evening purse. As I try to find my way back to the lobby, I see other guests lost in the maze, going back and forth trying to find their way. A staff member informs me that they don't sell purses at their shop, and to go to their spa boutique. After walking for quite some time, another employee tells me that I have long ways to go, and that the place is really far. I give up because I need to get ready and leave.

I text my cousin's son, and tell him that there are a lot of parties here, but I don't see them. He tells me to Uber it to a winery which is 5 minutes from the Inn, and texts me the address. I follow the GPS, but there is nothing but a dead-end. When I text my cousin, he says, "that's so weird," and gives me the name of the winery. Again, google map takes me round and round, and brings me back to the same dead end. It turns out that my cousin gave me the wrong address because that address was the one to the next day's venue.

At this point, I'm thinking let's just forget it. I go purchase an evening bag for the next day, find a restaurant, grab dinner, and call it a night. The next day wasn't any better than Friday. 

My cousin and his mom tell me again to Uber it. The hotel concierge calls in a taxi, tells me that the area is new, and maps have no record of it. The taxi is late. It got lost, and cancelled the order. The valet steps in. They too cannot find the area on their map, but offer to have a car pick me up in 20-25 minutes. I told them never mind, I might as well just take my own car. I told the concierge what difference does it make whether I drive my own car, Uber it, take a taxi, take a horse or a donkey. The point is that this place is not on the map. She agrees.

Once again, I find myself back in the same place. Google map tells me in .3 miles turn right. But how? I cannot go through. On my left, there is a black gate. A truck carrying construction things pulls out of there, and disappears. I take pictures of the area, and send it to both of my cousins. Neither one responds. 

I turn around, go down a bit, and turn left through a neighborhood, thinking perhaps I can find the street because the online wedding instruction said: Go to the house, a shuttle will pick you up, and take you to the venue. 

I see a lady watering her lawn, and her daughter is with her. I ask them if they recognize the name of the street. The daughter looks it up on her phone, and tells me that her apple map shows no such a place exists. A search on MapQuest gives the same result.

At this point, I'm really frustrated, and hungry because with the exception of a small latte, I hadn't eaten all day. So, I leave the area, drive back, find Burger lounge by accident, and order a quinoa burger. 

My cousin's son texts me and says, "Oh, just go through the gate on the left." I'm like, what?! That gate is not even on the street named on the invitation. It's on a completely different street. Also, not only you're responding an hour later, but you couldn't tell me this yesterday? 

I eat, go back to my room, change into my PJs, remove my makeup, brush my teeth, and make plans for the next day with an old friend who lives in Irvine. Three hours later, I get a text from my cousin's mom. She says the same thing as her son.

In the past, things like this would have bothered me. Not this time. I mean, I was disappointed, but after a little while, I think what happened was unimportant. I ask myself what lesson did you learn from this experience? My cousins' shortcoming—they don't care about their guests or their family. Things did not have to turn out this way. 

All they needed to do was to put the name of the correct street with instructions on their online invitation: when you hit a dead end, ignore the GPS, turn left, and go  through a black gate. But they couldn't be bothered with this tiny detail. They couldn't care less about a close family member who spent a lot of time getting ready for this wedding, drove through three hours of traffic, and was given the run around.

This is not the first time that they have done me wrong, and I have always let it go. But this time, they have crossed the line, and I'm cutting them, and anyone connected to them out of my life. Lessons learned...

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to make something happen, life has a different plan, and you just have to go with it. For whatever reason, I was not supposed to be at this wedding. I enjoyed having dinner on my own. And the next day wasn't so bad either once I got over my frustration. Sunday was the best out of all three days because I got to see old family friends on my way back. I ended up doing exactly what I was meant to do. Again, lessons learned...

  

Cancer

 

Cancer is a big business. After my mom passed away, I was planning to blog more about this, and even write a book on corruption in the medical industry, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, because each time I tried, it brought back a lot of negative memories about my mom's cancer, her time spent between doctors, the hospital, and home, the amount of suffering she went through, and the darkness I faced. 

Everyone should know something about cancer because once you or someone you love gets it, it's much harder to start learning. Do your own research. I'm not a doctor. My goal here is to post a few things about what my friends and I faced. I hope you find it helpful.

(Image by Ivan Oboleninov)

Some of the symptoms to look for:

1.   Low vitamin D level 

2.   If a person is tired all the time and wants to sleep often. 

3.   They stop caring about things that they once enjoyed.

4.   If they struggled to lose weight their whole life, and all the sudden their weight start to come off easily, and they're not hungry.

5.   High fever that comes and goes, Fever is the body's way of warning—It's trying to get rid of something in the body that doesn't belong there (I learned this at the Gerson institute).

6.   Any type of bleeding. It may or may not be hemorrhoids or urinary tract infections. Hopefully that's what it is. Sometimes it's more than that.

7.   Crying and feeling depressed for no reason. Deep depression can cause the body get out of balance, and may cause cancer. 

(Image by Ivan Samkov)

If you have Cancer:

1.   Cancer is not a death sentence. Many people have recovered. Doctors sometimes say that you have six months or one year to live. Unfortunately, once they plant that seed in your head, that's how long you will live. It's best to wipe out any time frame from your mind, and make it a goal to want to fight back and live. Because once that time frame gets to you, you begin to spiral down.

2.   Trauma gets trapped in the body, and shows up as a disease. Better to find away to release it asap, be it through therapy, talking to your friends, journaling, exercising, or whatever way that works for you. The longer trauma stays within you, the more difficult it becomes to get rid of it. I should know. I carried mine for too long because I didn't take care of it right away, and now it's that much harder to release it. Don't be like me. Snip it as quickly as you can.

3.   Animal products are too hard on the body, especially when you have cancer (I learned this at the Gerson Institute). Fish is a better option than meat, chicken and dairy.

4.   Avoid too many products on your body. If possible use organic. If not, buy from the children's section. Sometimes, they put less crap in those. Dr. Bronner's liquid soap (this can be used as shampoo, hand soap, dishwashing, and laundry soap), coconut oil to moisturize, and Naturtint hair dye are some suggestions.

If you're taking care of someone with cancer:

1.   Decorate their room with things they used to like, be it in the house or during their stays at the hospital. Nothing is worse than staring at blank walls when you're sick. There is no joy in it. If they're lying on their back all the time, hang things from the ceiling.

2.   Fresh cut flowers bring happiness to any room.

3.   Put on their favorite music. I was too busy taking care of my mom that I didn't pay attention to this. But music heals the soul.

4.   Play their favorite movie or TV show even if they have Alzheimer's or are in coma. They can still hear it and know that you care. 

5.   Read to them. 

6.   Ask family and friends to come and visit more often. When my mom was ill, she would always ask if anyone was going to come over and see her. She was happy even when a doctor or a physical therapist would come by.

7.   Borrow a pet. I'm not a pet owner, but I have learned that when people pet an animal, they somehow start to feel better. 

8.   Let them eat their favorite foods or snacks.

9.   Figure out a way to have them spend time in the sun. Sunshine has many health benefits.

10.   And more important than any of this—show them a lot of love. I would say this is more important than any medicine. 

(Image by Craig Adderley)

Suggestions for caretakers:

1.   It's important to also take care of you. Talk to people who are going through cancer, or join a forum. It helps to share. I remember this one guy who was going through cancer. He shared some tips with me. He passed away a few years after my mom. I will always remember him, and his kindness. 

2.   Live in the moment, and enjoy your time with the person you're taking care of. Don't worry about things you're missing out on. You'll have plenty of time for them later. Nothing ever stays the same.

3.   Find a few minutes of solitude. Close your eyes, clear your mind, and take deep breaths.

4.   Do one thing everyday that helps take your mind away from your troubles such as going for a walk, painting, cooking, or any activity that helps relax your body.

5.   I used to listen to AM/PM Yoga Meditation by Gael Chiarella, and found it helpful. I even bought one for a friend who had cancer. He emailed me and said that it helped him to relax. 

(image by Bergadder)

Suggetions for the friends of the cancer patient or the caretaker: 

1.   Help out. Don't just be a bystander. When you go for a visit, make a thermos of tea, and take food with you. Don't expect the caretaker to serve you. Serve them, and wash the dishes. Perhaps do a load of laudry for them or vacuum the floors.

2.   Engage with the patient, and give the caretaker a break to go out for a few hours.

3.   Check on them regularly, and see if they need anything.

4.   Having cancer or taking care of someone with cancer drains you, and at times, takes you down a dark path. Any help is always welcomed.

Seasons flow in a cycle. Life too passes through difficult winters. But after any winter, spring will follow.

 —Toshikazu Kawaguchi, Tales from the cafe