A perfect Day
One of my favorite places is Manhattan Beach because it has a small town vibe with a real sense of community. I used to come here often until tar balls—black goo from oil spills—covered the wet sand, sticking to my feet, making it difficult, and frustrating to get them off.
After a long absence, I went back to Manhattan Beach this week, and to my surprise, the water was clean, and there were no goo or crowds. In fact, there was hardly anyone there. Just miles and miles of walking path with a few people scattered here and there, spread across a long stretch of sand, a jogger or two passing by, and one person in a wet suit. It felt good to be there.
A picture is worth a thousand words.
I felt a silent turbulence within me just like the waves in the ocean. I'm flying solo these days. No drama. No one to disappoint me, and no one that I could disappoint. Just me, myself, and I wrapped in my thoughts, trying to figure things out. I find that if I allow it, life will disappoint. It's best not to expect anything.
"Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair." —Dhar Mann
It's difficult to find authenticity these days, both in life, and online. I have a handful of real friends, people that I have met in person, and have known for a long time, people who are worthy of my friendship, and who consider me worthy of theirs. Nowadays, I'm cautious about trusting people because people will tell you what you want to hear. It's best to watch someone's actions than to listen to what they say.
When I saw the above bird, it reminded me of me. Just staring out, meditating, and then flying away. Except that I can't fly away. It must be a great feeling to be able to fly away like that.
Someone once told me that she learns most about herself when she is in a relationship. I'm the exact opposite. I learn most about myself, others, the world, and the universe by spending time alone. If you haven't already, try spending quality time with yourself, doing nothing. The revelation is incredible. So, yes. It was a perfect day, spending time alone. I know that it will take time for me to heal, to feel whole, to trust again, and to allow people into my life.
Trust lost is a haunting specter,
An empty space where love once dwelled.
How can one regain what is forever altered?
How can one heal when trust is felled?
—Unknown
